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Sexy Surprise

Getting Off (with pictures!)

Yeah, this post is about exactly what you think it’s about.

Yes: ejaculation.

If you came from another planet and were to carefully observe human behavior, you might think that if a human male becomes aroused to the point of erection, that condition constitutes a medical emergency, and the only possible successful resolution of that condition involves ejaculation. Otherwise, the man could be permanently damaged, or die.

And yet, this is clearly not the case.

The second-most-incredulous moment in Touch Practice (the first being that I don’t need to see a face picture before holding you; I don’t care) is that even if there is erotic energy between us–arousal, erection, desire–Touch Practice is structured in such a way that we avoid going anywhere near ejaculation. And that leaves people shaking their heads in disbelief.

“You expect me to possibly get hard and then just walk away without doing anything about it?  Suppose I explode on the way home?”

“What’s the point of getting together if we don’t get off at the end?”

My truth is that there are extraordinary levels of connection–deep, intimate connection, physical, emotional and spiritual connection–possible between men that do not involve ejaculatory behavior. This is not a comment on the rightness or wrongness of ejaculatory behavior between men. I have no such comment. Rather, it is simply a statement that other forms of intimacy exist. And for those of us who know them, these forms of intimacy are profound. They rival, or exceed, any level of intimacy that can be found during ejaculatory sex. And they are, in my opinion, worthy of investigation, and even worthy of devotion.

How do I hold the ejaculatory boundary with someone who is determined to traverse it?

First, I keep redirecting my partner to his breathing. When people make an unconscious, subconscious decision to plummet head-first towards ejaculation, they invariably hold their breath. It happens so reliably I could bet money on it. I can see it the moment it happens. When I invite a partner in this state to breathe, he typically responds with something that looks like annoyance. It’s because I’ve thwarted him on an unconscious level, and he resents it, but on an unconscious level. He’s also grateful for it, but on an unconscious level.

Second, I focus my partner on his feet. For someone to be aware of their feet in the ground AND be able to pursue ejaculatory intent they’d have to be a tantric master (oh, but wait: a tantric master would already understand about avoiding ejaculation.) Most people are sufficiently called back into their body, their whole body, by a reference to feet, that they let go of ejaculatory intent, whether conscious or unconscious.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with ejaculation. It’s just another boundary. However, in Touch Practice, there’s great benefit in allowing erotic energy to arise, to manifest in the body in the form of arousal and erection, and to be resolved and redirected not in ejaculation, but in deeper connection. Much of the theory and practice of tantra, an eastern conceptualization of “sacred sexuality,”  is based on the engagement of erotic energy and the avoidance of ejaculation.

I’m not talking about “edging,” the practice of seeing how close one can come to ejaculation without going over the edge. Not at all. I’m talking about redirecting, from the very start, the energy of arousal, erection, and attraction into breath, feet, belly, body, connection, bonding.  The goal isn’t to get off; the goal is to share space, even if the space includes erotic energy.

For guys who come from straight practice, this can be somewhat mind-blowing, because in the first place, they don’t expect to become aroused with another guy. And finding themselves in that state, they don’t expect to get out of it without ejaculation.

For guys who come from gay practice, it can be even more mind-blowing, because while they’ve become aroused with other guys dozens or hundreds of times, the idea of escaping that state without ejaculation strikes them as constituting either personal failure or medical emergency.

But after hundreds of passes through Touch Practice, my truth is:

It is possible to form meaningful, sustainable bonds between men that incorporate and include erotic energy;

It is possible for those bonds to include arousal and erection, and even genital touch;

It is possible for that condition to be engaged and resolved without ejaculation;

And amazing territory, unknown territory, can be explored in that process. It is worth exploring, it is beautiful, and it helps us be closer to each other.

And none of this should be interpreted to be a commentary about the rightness or wrongness of fully sexual, ejaculatory behavior between men, because I have no such commentary to make. I have only that which I have experienced to report.

(And I hope you’ve enjoyed the graphic photos of getting off.)

Have thoughts you’d like to share?

Touch Practice is a sacred practice for me, and part of that is keeping confidences sacred. While a name and e-mail address are required to post a comment, feel free to use just your first name, or a pseudonym if you wish. Your e-mail address will never be seen by or shared with anyone. It is used to prevent spam and inappropriate comments from appearing in the blog. I’d really like to hear from you!