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All living things follow a predictable sequence of opposites: after periods of growth or active change, there is a moment of dormancy or rest, a time when nothing in particular seems to be happening. 

In human experience, I refer to this process as consolidation: periods when what we have learned or achieved or created has time to take hold, to settle, to “become solid,” in the literal meaning of the word.  It is often a time during which all the pieces of the puzzle seem to come together for us. Consolidation energy is a necessary phase of work in the physical, emotional, and spiritual realm, and is critical in the 90 minutes we typically spend in Touch Practice. In our culture, it is an important aspect of being that we tend to undervalue or resist.

One model of the contrasting relationship between doing/achieving/asserting and consolidation energies is the Eastern concept of yin yang. This is a complex and detailed topic that I cannot begin to do justice to here, so I encourage you to do further study of the relationship of yin and yang energies if this interests you.  For our purposes, let’s consider yang the power of doing, achieving, expressing and asserting, while yin represents the power of hearing, receiving, reflecting, and staying.

The way the sun produces light, combining atoms of hydrogen in billions of fierce, nuclear fusion reactions, is an example of yang; the way the moon produces light (by passively reflecting the sun’s light) is an example of yin. The power to heal wielded by someone who is an inspirational speaker is an example of yang; the healing power we experience in the presence of a great listener is an example of yin. Those of you who have been moved forward in life because someone heard you profoundly have experienced the power of yin energy. In such cases, the person probably “did” nothing; like the moon, they were clear, present, and still enough to simply reflect your own light back to you.

In perhaps overly simplified terms, our lives consist of two equally important and equally balanced forces: yang (doing, making, producing, achieving, asserting) and yin (being, receiving, reflecting, observing, resting, understanding.) As the classic diagram here suggests, the two forces are equal, fluid, dynamic, and each contains the “seed” of the other.  They naturally trigger each other in sequence. Rest long enough, and you will have a natural urge to assert again; work long enough, and you will eventually want to rest.

The United States, and western culture in general, tends to be overbalanced towards yang.  We value asserting more than we value reflecting. We value the power to take what we want more than our ability to adopt a posture where we can receive what we need. (Look at how we budget, either individually or nationally: we put what we want first, and we often don’t get around to what we need, and sometimes aren’t even comfortable thinking in terms of need.) American men, in particular, tend to be tilted towards yang energy.

You can find hundreds of examples of yin/yang balance in daily life. Weightlifters who overtrain not only end up losing muscle mass but risking injury. The rest day in between workouts is as important as the lifting, because it is the time during which muscle mass is actually built, in the recovery phase. Emotional work is the same; psychotherapeutic and spiritual processes follow this same pattern of intense encounter and engagement, followed by periods of assimilation and consolidation, the “rest” days during which we build emotional and spiritual “muscle.”

In Touch Practice, these periods of consolidation are key. Perhaps every five or ten minutes I will put someone in a posture with a verbal cue, “OK, just take a minute and really rest here.” If we’re in a sitting position, I try to make sure that if they let go, I can balance and support them, and I often try to create positions where people can fall asleep if they need to, and they often do.  Some of the most amazing work in Touch Practice happens when people fall asleep, or lose “ordinary” consciousness enough to go deeply into the breath and let go of “holding” the body in the various ways we do.

Rest periods are critical elements that follow periods of intense engagement.  In Touch Practice, examples of these engagements include encounters with grieving/crying energy, intense joy, a glimpse of the beauty of one’s body or self, erotic energy (arousal, sexual feelings) “child” energy such as playfulness or curiosity about the body, anxiety/nervousness, and many others. Whatever I might be exploring with a Touch Practice partner, once we have found the edge of that exploration and sat with it for a period of time, we create a way in which to rest from that experience and consolidate it. The final period of Touch Practice is always some sort of a partnered shavasana type posture which permits deep, complete rest, and consolidation of the hour’s work.

The more I do the work, the more I come to value the time I spend “just sitting” with someone. Yes, it has been meaningful and interesting to develop lots of different postures, techniques and processes for active work, and ways in which to engage and create the work, but in typical Western fashion there can sometimes be too much attention paid to “doing” in Touch Practice rather than “being.”

In Touch Practice, there may be opportunities to be a source of warmth and light for another person, but it is equally important to be available as a clear and clean reflector. We must have both a sun and a moon. And countering our Western biases, it is often more important to listen than to talk, more important to observe than to assert, and more important to receive another person than it is to give or do anything to them. The yin element is a key and critical energy.

I invite you to look at the yin/yang balance in your own life. What is the balance between speaking and listening, work and rest, giving and receiving, self-expression and self-reflection? If you’re a typical Westerner, you may benefit from exploring ways to increase presence of yin energy. A daily practice of sitting, breath-based meditation is a terrific place to start. Those of you interested in yoga can investigate yin yoga, a wonderful practice that is as far away from American “Jane Fonda Workout” yoga as you can imagine.

And for those of you who are parents, employers, mentors or teachers: try shifting the emphasis from saying the right thing, having the answer, or providing the helping hand to a more yin-based posture: listening carefully and attentively, asking questions, being present for those who depend on you.

If you’re in a role that encourages you to be “the guiding light,” try playing the role of moon rather than sun. Be clear, present, observant, and resist the urge to “do.” This can often allow others to recognize their own natural brilliance and inner light in a way that our own attempts at illumination only dilute.

Have thoughts you’d like to share?

Touch Practice is a sacred practice for me, and part of that is keeping confidences sacred. While a name and e-mail address are required to post a comment, feel free to use just your first name, or a pseudonym if you wish.  Your e-mail address will never be seen by or shared with anyone. It is used to prevent spam and inappropriate comments from appearing in the blog. I’d really like to hear from you!