The Teacher is in the Room!
When I was younger, I had a type of cancer that very few people survive. The diagnosis felt like a huge problem at the time, and I suppose it was. Ultimately I survived, but not before really giving serious thought to dying, and to understanding that I will be here on this Earth for a finite period of time.
The experience of having and surviving cancer ended up being one of the greatest gifts I could have possibly imagined. It helped me understand that there are things in life that are “big problems”–like waking up in a Nazi concentration camp, for example–but that dining out and having your steak come less-than-perfectly-cooked doesn’t qualify. This is not to say that we don’t sometimes treat mis-cooked steaks and flat tires and lost luggage and air travel delays as “big problems”–it’s just, well, next to cancer, torture and having your child kidnapped, I’m not sure they really qualify.
And the cancer experience opened me and sensitized me to many new things: it gave me courage, which I formerly lacked; it made me fearless (or at least much less fearful) of most things, and it inspired me to live, however much remains of my life, with as much commitment as I can muster. I call it a “Reverse Trojan Horse”: something that comes into your life disguised as a big problem that ends up being full of gifts once it opens up.
“So he went forth never again confusing big problems and minor inconveniences from that day onward.” Right? Don’t make me laugh. I did it again just last week.
I was checking into a retreat center where I teach from time to time, and the lodging that I had requested months ago was not available. “Grrrrr,” I felt myself grumble inside. Another staff member who had agreed to do something prior to my arrival had not yet done it. Other miscellaneous details were “other than I would have wished them.” I felt myself slowly spiraling down into the abyss of grumpiness. “Why did I come here? I should really do something else next year. No one appreciates me. No one takes me seriously.” I was setting myself up for a dreadful week, a long period of resentment, when suddenly I managed to remember:
“The Teacher is in the Room!”
The cancer experience taught me that very often, when life is “other than we would wish it,” The Teacher is in the Room. The Gift that has come to be delivered to us, disguised as a problem or an irritation, is about to be bestowed. All that is necessary to receive it is a change of posture. Instead of, “my life is other than I would wish it right now,” it’s “aha! Life has put me in exactly the right position to learn something new. What is it? Bring it! I’m ready to learn.”
I learned how to meditate in a room that must have been 90 degrees. Every Monday night at Back Bay Yoga, Josh would take us through our sitting, and everything was fascinating and wonderful and interesting except the fucking room was at 90 degrees. All I wanted was to be able to sit comfortably someplace and honestly I could have done everything else being asked of us: but that damn room. Focusing on the breath I could do; monkey-mind I could handle; even my aching knees I could live with. But for the love of God couldn’t someone fix the temperature?
And interestingly, at some point, I forgot all about the temperature of that room. And ALL rooms. I just forgot. Suddenly instead of having this narrow six degree range (68 to 74 Farenheit) where I was comfortable, I was comfortable in all rooms. It happened without me noticing it, just from sitting in the hot room for months and months. Suddenly a room was exactly as it should be. I stopped reacting to room temperature. I stopped having judgments about how a room should be. The room is as it is.
And The Hot Room taught me about a hundred things about life. I learned how to hold men who smell differently than I might like, who are thicker or thinner than I might like, who are older or younger than I might like, who are gayer or straighter than I might be comfortable with. Just like each room was exactly the right temperature for that room after I sat with it for a while, I eventually got to a place where each man is exactly the way he should be.
When I am really awake, really paying attention, then everything that is happening in my life is exactly as it should be. And if it feels other than I prefer? The Teacher is in the Room! There’s a new lesson somewhere.
I know The Teacher is in the Room when I feel that old familiar “oh! I don’t want this!” “This is other than the way I prefer it.” When I’m awake and paying attention, I can shift very quickly from getting pissed off and grumbly about what is happening to getting curious and eager.
In the case of the lesson from last week, I learned (again) that I am happiest when I am of service to others, not when I am being served by others. I already know that lesson, but I forget. And it’s a particularly tricky lesson for a recovering enabler like me, because we can’t just give to others as a way to avoid working through our own neediness. It’s not an either/or scenario; it’s an “and.” We have to work out our own shit AND be of service to others, preferably in that order.
If you want to play with this idea this week, wait and watch for those moments when life is “other than you prefer,” and then shift your posture. Shift from “I hate this, this isn’t what I want” to “The Teacher is in the Room! What’s up? Bring it!” Perhaps you will have a Hot Room. Or someone who is “other than I might like.” Whatever form your Teacher takes, I wish you a week of learning, newness, and open hearted living.
There are only a few spaces still available in the Spring 2014 Asheville retreat!
Click here for more information!
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