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Something came to me this week that I have wanted–badly–for a year. It’s something I’ve been so desirous of that I was becoming afraid of my desire. I’ve written previously about attraction and aversion. These two forces, in my personal experience, can cause a great deal of suffering, constantly grasping after that which we don’t have, and pushing things away that we don’t want. In some ways, attraction and aversion is the opposite practice of gratitude–accepting what is.

In the course of the year, I was able to really let go of wanting this thing. I came to see the pros and cons of having it, and eventually came to trust that there is a wisdom about the universe greater than my own, a power higher than mine. I was able to get myself to a place where I could say, “Thy will, not my will, be done.” And then, the thing I wanted came to me, seemingly on its own.

I want to write today about the seeming collision between a philosophy people refer to as the Law of Attraction and the Buddhist idea that grasping after things we want causes us to suffer more than necessary. Both of these ideas are true, in my experience, but both are more complicated than they seem.

The Law of Attraction, in particular, can be simplified to the point of idiocy. Grossly misunderstood, LOA produces people who walk around imagining that if they can only see themselves winning the lottery, if they want it badly enough, if they can imagine it clearly enough, then it’ll happen. The most ham-fisted misapplications of LOA often seem to involve money, people who want to get rich who imagine themselves rich and spend a great deal of time trying to hold the “imagery of rich” in their imaginations.

Things do not happen simply because we want them badly enough. This is not, in my opinion, a wise way to proceed through life.

At the same time, we can all see LOA in action around the general principle of “whatever energy you put out into the universe, that is the energy you will attract. Whatever you spend your time thinking and feeling about, you’ll get more of that thing.” This, in my experience, is most certainly true.

Research has shown that the character of a company reflects the character of the CEO. If the CEO is an angry, aggressive person, the character of the entire company will be flavored with “angry and aggressive.” Everything from customer service to billing to the strategic planning folks will be imbued with the color of the CEO. Conversely a playful, warm-hearted CEO will produce a playful, warm-hearted climate. What you put out into the universe comes back to you; you will find yourself surrounded by people like you are.

Another example of this is the person whose primary social outlet is going out for drinks after work complaining about the boss, or their wife, or some other pet topic. Such a person will attract drinking companions who enjoy the same activity; before you know it, you have an entire room full of people who enjoy complaining about someone in their lives. People who are not interested in this activity are put off by the group, while those who are interested join in. Bit by bit, we attract that which we are.

So, for me,  the Law of Attraction is a valid concept if we understand it in the context of “whatever you put out into the universe, you will get more of; we will attract what we are.” LOA is not, in my experience, the idiotic practice it is often made out to be, a fancy form of wishful thinking. It’s not simply a way to get things that you want, especially material things, by thinking them into existence.

And it’s not a way to imagine that you can control every aspect of the universe simply by how you think; you can’t. People who have rarely had an unkind or negative thought will still get cancer, and people who are mean and rotten to the core will go through life in perfect health. LOA doesn’t give you the master key to the universe; it does not allow you to play God.

In the context of LOA, the idea of letting go of the thing I was grasping for this past year doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. After all, wouldn’t I want to put out into the universe how badly I want this thing? Wouldn’t I want to “attract” the thing that is so attractive to me? How do I let go of my grasp, shrug my shoulders and say, “oh, what will be will be,” to let go of my wanting, without sending the wrong message out into the universe?

The balance point for me involves paying attention to ego and will. Everything hinges on ego and will.

When I behave as though I am the highest power in the universe, where all that matters is me, what I want, what I need, neither attraction/aversion nor LOA operate functionally. When we are driven purely by ego and will, we take what we want, ruthlessly. It’s a rape-and-pillage approach to life, the way a country that wants the natural resources of another will simply take them, even by war if necessary. This is “I want this” without limits.

When we are driven purely by ego and will, we reject what we don’t want, ruthlessly. Racism, homophobia, the holocaust, the way both sides of Congress take turns holding the other hostage, this is aversion without limits. “I don’t want this; I won’t have this.”

The same imbalance shows up in people who buy into the Law of Attraction as a way to service the ego. Absent the balancing forces of “there is something beyond me in the universe,” LOA is one of the best ways I know to full-blown narcissistic arrest. Spend all day, every day, focused purely on what you want, with no regard for the Earth around you or the needs of others, and I bet you’re not going to find yourself surrounded by those things you’re focusing on. You’re going to find yourself surrounded by people who think only about themselves and what they want. Ugh!

I reached some peace around this, I think, when I got to the point where I could feel everything, but in balance; where I could say, “Ok, I really want this, I’d really like this, but Thy will, not my will, be done.” Feeling attraction, letting go of my grip, and, in the words of AA, “turning things over to a higher power” seemed to be genuine, honest, and acknowledging of all my feelings.

In Touch Practice there are often moments when people want things strongly. Sometimes in workshops, someone will want to move towards or away from another participant, or will want very badly to be touched or held in a certain way which may or may not be right for the partner they’re practicing with. This full awareness, feeling the depth of what we crave combined with a practice of releasing that, allowing “what will be will be,” is a tricky balance. I don’t mean to imply that it’s easy to find, but it is crystal clear; it’s simple without being easy. And having an eye on “where’s my ego, where’s my will” is key in finding balance.

This is a complicated topic for me. Our passions are very important; the things that we love, that we are drawn to, that make us light up inside and become alive, these things are critical. They are “libido” in the Jungian sense of the word, the life-force within us. And at the same time, I have seen that we can quickly make ourselves, and others, quite miserable if we lose our balance around this. There is also a place for allowing things to come into (or go from) our lives, a place for “what will be will be,” a place for “Thy will be done.” These are critical balancing forces.

This week I wish you a keen awareness of what you want, what you love, what attracts you, makes you come alive. I wish you a strong sense of what you’d like more of in your life, and what you’d like to attract. And, I wish you balance in the wisdom that there are forces beyond us, greater and higher, both powerful and invisible, that constantly surround and guide us. Have a great week.

Have thoughts you’d like to share?

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