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- BlogDear Reader: Welcome to my very first blog! This blog represents the next step of faith in a journey I never could have imagined ten years ago, a path full of unexpected turns, rich discoveries and shared connections—personal connections to some of you who might be reading at this very moment, as well as a larger sense of shared practice, kinship, and brotherhood with many of you whom I will never meet. What I now call “Touch Practice” began as an effort to explore and heal my own body. I thought of it as something I created, something invented or made up, just for me. I slowly realized that while it was profoundly healing for me, it also seemed to have tremendous benefit for others, and so it became something for “we” rather than something just for “me.” I began to think of Touch Practice as a form of partnership. Next, I understood that something I imagined I had created or invented myself actually existed before I found it—Touch Practice is more accurately something I discovered, something I became aware of rather than creating. I came to understand that this aspect of touch has probably existed in an infinite variety…
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Safety through separation, safety through connection
2Following up on last week’s post—how boundaries work to create safety—here’s a case where “the opposite of a truth is also true.” One of the first things we learn to do to create safety is separate ourselves: we build walls, erect boundaries, withdraw. For those …
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How boundaries keep us safe
In various sorts of body work ranging from clinical, therapeutic massage through even the most erotic types of exchange, an explicit agreement about boundaries—where and how we will and won’t touch or be touched—is one of the ways we create a sense of safety for …
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A Hollow Passion
I have always been a passionate person. My tendency is not to do anything half way. When I’m happy, then the world is a beautiful place, I have the best friends anyone could possibly imagine, life is worth living, and it will never be any …
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Letting Go
Driving through the Vermont mountains yesterday, the trees were beginning to hint (in some places not so subtly) at that change of season which in this part of the country can be so breathtakingly beautiful. Beautiful, but ambivalent, for me: this final, dazzling array of …
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Humiliation and Spiritual Practice
One of my very best buddies once said to me, “it is impossible to live a deeply committed spiritual life—to walk the walk with our whole heart—without experiencing humiliation.” I have found this teaching to be profoundly true. In last week’s blog, I spoke about …
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The End of the Story
One of the experiences of the spiritual path I am just beginning to understand is the aspect of “getting your buttons pushed.” You know what I’m talking about: someone who manages to get to you. Repeatedly. Incessantly. Even when you’ve vowed in your mind that …
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The Power of Anonymous Service
The spiritual path is chock full of selfish acts. Becoming “self-aware” is perhaps one of the first steps we take on that path. We might practice meditation of some sort, learning how to direct and focus our awareness (what some call “mindfulness“) and becoming aware …
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How do I Know If I’m Lovable?
This week’s meditation topic was so juicy that, like a dog with a bone, I had a really hard time putting it down for any amount of time. I carried it around all week, chewing on it. It really had me by the teeth. How …
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Online Cruelty
Kevin Smith maintains profiles on both Scruff and Grindr. I do that because back when I was first looking to explore a hugging connection, I looked in places where people were also looking to connect for sex. I just didn’t know where else to start. Even …
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Me and My Kid
The practice of sitting with other men in many hours of Touch Practice has sharpened my awareness of seemingly opposite characteristics within myself. There is a part of me that loves to hold other people and take care of them. But there is another side …
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